(25-34 / 50)..COWZzzZzzz..

Anyway I told myself not to give up, I shall try again for HI (Health Insurance)

..preparing for M5 tomorrow. and rushing my website updates.

Projects, projects, projects.

Well at least I'm not lazying at home. The rest of this week will be projects and my revision on Health Insurance. My exam is next week, Wednesday.

My latest meeting was with a cafe owner of El Shiekh Cafe at Pahang Street, hope I get this project so I can post more photos of the place, its authentic lebanon cuisine, and they wanna have a website revamp as well as their food menu revamped. It would be so cool to redo someone's food menu.

At a whim, I took these pictures of pahang street..


Rundown, abandoned building - user to be a muslim tombstone maker.


Familar spiral staircases like the ones in bugis.


Extremely colour shop face, and I mean LITERALLY! look closer to see the face...

"I'm back."
by The famous quote by the man in pitch black leather, shades and his Remington 870 Shotgun.

So GravenSoul has returned. And all I can say is I'm actually glad, glad to be away, finally away from all that in the past. I have decided to make the switch 2 weeks ago and fianlly I HAVE SWITCHED.

I think I will have to change somethings here.. to truly reflect my graven soul. I admit it, this dumb template was plainly a splitshot thing that I had really no time to do. hmmmm.. maybe I should get my own website and blog.

30th March 2006 - The day I had passed out from an organization that amazingly changes and changes its internal drives, organs and not to mention, brain. In the period of 3 years, it had been almost single handedly been transformed from a dingy place in the middle of an industrial area with no respectable food centre in a walking distance of 10 mins to a less dingy place in a building that had more years than my fingers and toes added together. This was the first place I knew that had a canteen that almost matched up to the organization's turnover rate. It had so many turnover of stalls that It almost spooked me, as if it held a grim premonition of a turnover happening in the organization. but at least there was respectable food, and furthermore shopping centres nearby.

It was a mix of emotions for someone I knew. But as for me, I just wanted to switch.

I made the switch boldly without a new job, and without 3 - 6 months of salary sitting in my bank account. But once I had released my faith, the other streams flowed in like dams that came aburst! Perhaps they were waiting for this chance.. but I know a greater power was looking after me. I know I shall not lack no matter what.

Before...
1 Day = (2700 / 20) = $135 (approx) or if i include CPF - (3536/20) = $176 (approx)
After...
1 Day = $300
After after...
1 Day = $500
...
... (and you can come up with the rest)

The power to define my own earnings.

This is far greater than working for someone. The potential is far greater than scaling corporate MNC ladders or SME stools.

I do admit this is not as sweet as a bed of roses but this is something dreamt & achievable. Why can people make $XX,XXX or $XXX,XXX per month or even day? This is the proof of that potential. If you can grasp this.. it just takes boldness to go for it, thats all.

Above all that, I have someone in high places, my heavenly Father to guide me. If I should brag, His provision is worth more to brag, His blessings are beyond measure.

Goodbye sanity.


The worlds divided between this plain becomes more and more apparent, with each added strain, added pressure, the plain becomes a stretching desert between the now and the other.

Each transit to the other side somehow becomes more wicked, growing by the day. Each disappointment opens that path. A getaway.

The real world talks, and moves and so the other world moves in the opposite, just as what I perceive it to be. And more often fall into my pleasures and my wants.

Some places there are places i can go.. but may never return, some will lead to a complete distruct of self and thus all others, the balance to all that... is never certain because the operator is only human.

This end of May has been a lot of hell for me.. rushing work. getting my project up to speed.

Cos of my starting month of May has been taken way too lightly, in the end got to rush up the whole project in my hands.. not to mention I totally had almost no time for my personal projects.

So the last week of May was for me to catch up.. seems everytime I try to catch up, She gets all racked up about the time I spent with her... well, for most of the month I get to spend some time with her after my work, and now i really go to catch up on lost time.. and she blows her top...

So again, i'm getting it.. another cold war, another "cooling off". Can't she understand i'm busy now.. its really the wrong time to throw such tantrums.

Its a moment cold and a moment hot.. I am so pressurized I could die... yar die just like that and leave this sickening place and body.

I just feel totally destroyed on the inside now. Today I wasted my time pulling myself together..

playing games, watching anime.. sleeping more..cos my mind is too tired when she has to tell me such things.. I also do not know... now she says its pointless to call me.. pointless to meet up.. this is probably my last call to you.. DAMN IT...DAMN IT...

" This is a Hyper Competitive Generation.
Every Organisation and Individual is challenged to survive each moment."

This is a statement i will never forget, but as far as today has progressed, things did not turn out well. As usual, the tongue lashing... the moment i got that email on my mailbox, the bad report comes in so expected is the lash.

At the moment today, i feel so helpless, and somewhat afraid, also feel so much disappointment, each moment like this, a reminder of my mistakes, again and again. There is not a hint of encouragement now from that, just angry words.

I wonder if i have began to adapt to harsh words thrown at me, to smile back as if nothing is happening... or to bear the guilt and self conscious... my gosh self is so evil.

self would rather destroy me. by turning my thoughts to evil, raising its heirlings of fear.


i'm reminded of the night when i just screamed, without reason... all i know was a void, a fear, but the source of the fear is unknown to me.

at times.. i really wonder if any words i say makes sense... i am so afraid it does not make sense at all..so afraid everyone will misunderstand me... so afraid that i will be left alone... so afraid that i will be left behind.

so am i going insane?

tears flow so easily nowadays. dispair comes visting me so often too. my neighbours are evil, dispair, frustration, disappointment, loneliness, they love to come by my house, for whatever reason.

They take things away each time they come, and never return it.
frustration always speaks the loudest in the house, and is always angry, often my other things are thrown on the floor when he is around.
dispair loves to bring lots of tissues here, hidden in his pocket is a penknife, often he brandishes it infront of disappointment.
Disappointment is so keen to take the penknife from dispair, he is the oldest in the group, i saw once on his chest, many holes, each roughen, of many sizes, shapes and depths. An once he took the penknife from dispair and went to my bathroom and left after a long time there. When i returned to the bathroom, i saw Disappointment's part of his heart in the trash.
loneliness is the mother of dispair, she carries dispair around, constantly even when dispair is so big already. what great strength she.

actually i do not like any of these neighbours, i would want to move out of this neighbourhood.

The situation now seems to be in a deadlock, her mental picture is fixed, there looks like no way that she can let go of what she thinks, and i'm stuck here trying to figure a way to settle this. i dun think my parents will give in, cos they feel like there is nothing to give in to.

I said once to them, she is my problem, domain, they dun have any rights to say anything about her, her issues belong to me, the way we do things is not for them to interfere, comment.

So now i have this issue.. what should i do? ask them to somehow "apologise" or explain? or.. what?

The longer this drags on, the further I drift away from all these.. towards the point where i cannot be bothered by all these.